* Below are the differences between Al-anon, Nar-anon and OURFATES. Neither one is better than the other. Neither one is “right” or “wrong” . ALL are just options that provide support, help, and healing.
Al-Anon and Nar-anon both follow the traditional 12 steps that AA follows (basic summarization)
*admitting powerlessness
*giving over to a higher power
*taking moral inventory
*admitting wrongdoings
*making amends
*prayer
OURFATES follows the grieving process and actively works towards healing with the help and support of professionals and each other
1. We recognize that enabling doesn’t work. It isn’t right or wrong. (we do it out of love, and we have to forgive ourselves).
2. We accept that our lives will never be the same. We are here to heal and create a new “normal” for ourselves and our loved ones.
3. We recognize that shock/denial happens when we find out our loved one really does have an addiction problem.
4. We recognize and allow ourselves to feel and accept the pain and guilt we feel for enabling our loved one and for being betrayed by their addiction.
5. We recognize that anger and bargaining are a normal part of the grieving process.
6.We recognize and accept that the depression and reflection is something we have to deal with, but it won’t last forever.
7. We recognize that we have to work through our feelings and reconstruct our lives so that we can achieve a new “normal” for ourselves and our loved ones.
8. We accept that our lives will never be the same. We might have to set up new rules or boundaries for ourselves and our loved ones.
9. We realize that love doesn’t end. We don’t have to stop loving our loved ones because of their addiction, and it’s OK to say “no” to the abusive addictive behavior.
10. We work towards forgiveness (letting go of anger) of our thoughts, actions, and of our loved ones actions.